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Sociology Assignment by ~silentrejection-90:iconsilentrejection-90:

Categories Literature > Poetry > Human Nature > Spoken Word


I look ahead, an army of feet and legs, a blur of suede and khaki hurrying across the sidewalk. I’ve always wondered what the rush was. Where are they going that’s so important that they can’t slow their ever-quickening steps to take a breath, maybe even spare a dime? If it was me, I’d take my time. More than that, I’d take in the sounds and the smells that seem to linger in the air throughout this city. But then again, I never have a place to go. Never have things to do, or people to see, as they say.

Or do they speed up their pace in fear that, if they were to walk any slower, they’d actually have to look at my face and notice my existence down here on the street. Afraid that they’d have to kick me off their feet, or maybe, God forbid, toss a coin in my cup. “No, no, no, she’ll use it on drugs,” they say to their children whose hands are outreached, fingers wrapped around a coin that wasn’t meant for me, but rather a round of Pac-Man, or a cup of ice cream.

So for now, here I sit, on my little patch of cement, with all day to wonder about how that coin might be spent.
©2006-2008 ~silentrejection-90
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Submitted: April 19, 2006
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Author's Comments

for sociology, we have to write a poem, monologue, song, etc. that deals with one or more of the themes in the play Rent. it has to be one minute long, and we have to read it in front of the class and such. they do it every semester.

this kind of a monologue/poem.

anyway, pleeeease critique it if you can.

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~gardenXmacabre:icongardenXmacabre: Apr 20, 2006, 7:03:38 AM
i really like this. the second paragraph is my favorite, especially the last sentence... but then i love the last sentence of the thing itself, too.

hmm, i can't think of all that much that could really use critiquing (sp?), but a few parts/sentences might benefit from a little rephrasing just for added impact. i mean, if you were to read it in front of the class there's no way it would take away from the piece's intensity, but... does that make sense? XD

but i guess for instance something like -

"or do they speed up their pace in fear that, if they were to walk any slower, they’d actually have to look at my face and notice my existence down here on the street."

- might be a bit more effective if it were a little shorter. perhaps that could be seperated into two insistive-sounding questions? like a question mark after "face" and then have the next start with something like "actually have /notice/ my existence down here on the street?"--and that same kind of breaking up/pausing to the first sentence too, maybe.

slight changes like that... that's really all i can think of though. i mean, it's a pretty powerful peice and probably doesn't need much than what's already there. glad you posted this!
~silentrejection-90:iconsilentrejection-90: Apr 20, 2006, 4:43:50 PM
yay, thank you for your comments. that question phrasing thing sounds good, i'll definitely consider it. i'm glad you like it. i hope i don't freak out while reading it in front of people.
~gardenXmacabre:icongardenXmacabre: Apr 20, 2006, 7:03:06 PM
i hope i don't freak out while reading it in front of people.

it sounds pathetic, butto me handing it in a day late and losing 10 points was worth not having to do that part. x_x
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